Kicks: 10 Reasons Why Space Jam 2 Would Be The Greatest Thing Ever

Check out the top 10 Reasons Why Space Jam 2 Would Be The Greatest Thing Ever. Hit the jump to read more

DJ Juanyto

 

 

A few weeks ago, LeBron James caused a minor stir on social media when he expressed interest in starring in a sequel to Space Jam, the 1996 feature film starring Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes crew.  With James fresh off an NBA Championship season and a successful gold medal run in the Olympics, the timing could not be better for the newly crowned (and not just marketing speak) king of basketball.  The “news” made waves on sports blogs and probably provided Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith with a bullet point to talk yell about on one of their many talk shows on ESPN, but nothing ever came of it. It has been a little over two weeks since James sent out that tweet and nobody has said anything about the project since; and what seems like an excuse to print money has been lost to the ether.

Maybe it is just a pipe dream that will never come to pass – just like my hopes for a real sequel to Friday with Chris Tucker or a Nike Air Penny I white/royal blue retro release (hi, Gentrey Humphrey) – but with 90s nostalgia running at an all-time high, particularly in regards to basketball culture, if LeBron ever decided to do Space Jam 2, it would be a milestone event.  For years, people have been clamoring (except for irrationally myopic fans who can’t let go of the past) for a superstar on the level of Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods to transcend their sport and become a – well, what do you know – global icon.  Starring in a straight-to-DVD banger is one thing, but having your name shine at the ArcLight is something else.  Never before has LeBron been better equipped to sit on the throne; all he has to do is stand in front of a green screen for a few weeks and act with cartoon characters.

And besides, we all know LeBron is already an infinitely better actor than Shaquille O’Neal.  Wait, what?

Besides what Space Jam 2 could do for LeBron James and his “brand,” here are a few more reasons why a sequel to the greatest animated mixed with live-action basketball movie ever made would be awesome.  The basic premise of the movie remains the same; there will be a new set of Monstars trying to steal Bugs Bunny and crew, but since they can’t go to Michael Jordan (lockout joke), they need a new hero to save the day.

1. We get to relive “The Decision” and “Not 1, not 2, not 3…”

The thing with Space Jam 2 is that they do not have to deviate that far from the plot of the original.  Enough time has passed that most kids will think the material is fresh.  The past two years of LeBron’s career has plenty of material built-in for him to use without having to take too many liberties.  Well, they can leave out the part where he thought glasses without lenses was a good idea, but other than that…

In the original, our first glimpse of Michael Jordan the actor features MJ recreating his (first) retirement and declaring that he would go on to play baseball, much to the shock of the press and the fans.  Space Jam 2 could start with a similar shocking moment with “The Decision.”  They can even recreate the scene right down to the part where Jim Grey meanders on for 45 minutes before asking LeBron the question and Dan Gilbert is furiously writing emails in Comic Sans.

The overlying theme of the first act of the movie is portraying LeBron as this beloved figure who lost his smile and became a “villain” in Miami.  And there is no better way for LeBron to give off that vibe than to relive the infamous celebration in South Beach when he predicted how many championships the Heat would win.

 

 Dirk gets to remember what it’s like to be a champion

After a montage of LeBron and the Heat demolishing the NBA (particularly Cleveland), the next scene would take place during the 2011 NBA Finals, where LeBron is shown underestimating Dirk Nowitkzi, who has displayed some acting chops in previous movie roles, and the Dallas Mavericks and making championship parade plans before the series even starts.  In other words, he is full-on Business LeBron at this point, caring more about money and adulation than focusing on basketball.

As everybody knows, the Mavs would go on to beat the heat, but LeBron is not fazed.  That is, until he eats dinner with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh later that night at a South Beach restaurant and is greeted by a jovial Dirk Nowitzki with the Larry O’Brien trophy in hand.  They have a short conversation that ends with Dirk talking about going home and shutting it down and leaving LeBron to head over to the official Dallas Mavericks party bus to celebrate with Miami’s finest talent.

(Hey, after the embarrassing season Dirk had to deal with thanks to Mark Cuban blowing up his championship core, he deserves some shine.)

 

3. MJ = Jim Rome and tells LeBron to bag it…

You can’t have Space Jam without Michael Jordan at least showing up once on screen. But his presence will be minimal and it will be very similar to the cameo Jim Rome had in the original when he was just brutally telling Jordan to stop playing baseball.  MJ doesn’t approve how LeBron went into business for himself and joined the Heat, so it would just be a reiteration of that point.  Charles Barkley and Scottie Pippen, other Hall of Famers who have expressed their discontent with James and the Heatles, would also chime in.  The summer of 2011 was not kind to LeBron and that needs to emphasized.

 

4. Kobe Bryant in the Larry Bird role

LeBron then contemplates if he really is doing the right thing by being the bad guy.  Somewhat distraught, he meets up with an old friend that knows a thing or two about having haters, Kobe Bryant.  They are on the set of their latest Nike commercial (bringing back the MVPuppets) and in between takes, Kobe is giving LeBron a hard time for trying so hard and that being a jerk is not a part of who he is.

It should be noted that Kobe is basically the playing the old man river role that Larry Bird played when he was playing golf with Jordan in the original movie.  Kobe would be at his deadpan finest.

And that’s when Kobe starts pitching LeBron on this new system that he is developing for the most successful of the successful until puppet Bill Murray and the real Bill Murray shows up.

 

 

5. Bill Murray would be played by Bill Murray because he’s Bill Murray, dammit…

Bill Murray is not only one of the best comedic actors ever; he is a famous basketball fan that would get a ton of laughs for the limited time that he’s on the screen.  And there’s no way in hell that Justin Bieber (or Timberlake) is taking his spot. Not only would Murray be selling LeBron and Kobe on making a “comeback” to the NBA at the age of 61, but he would make a few “if Jason Kidd can do it, why can’t I?” jokes.

 

6. LeBron would have a dog named “Russell Westbrook”

Remember the scene when MJ comes home from another crappy baseball outing and a dog named “Charles” would be running all over the place and jumping really high to greet MJ?  Well, let’s just say when LeBron comes home he has a similar animal companion just eager to take the spotlight and become the main attraction of the movie every time he shows up.  Bonus points if we can have the dog put on some Givenchy costumes.

 

7. Wade, Bosh, Allen and Lewis lose their mojo

Much like in the original movie, the new Monstars would be stealing the talent of the best players in the world in order to compete with Bugs and LeBron.  And since all of the best players are in Miami, they don’t have to go that far to steal them.  Using the power of social media, the Monstars would use their targets’ Twitter feeds to figure out where they are during the lockout.  For example, they could find Chris Bosh showing off his new designer threads during New York Fashion Week or Dwyane Wade hanging out the Gabrielle Union on a boat off the south of France (it’s an excuse for a Gabrielle Union cameo) or Ray Allen could be filming “He Got Game 2: Escape from Boston” with Spike Lee.  Rashard Lewis would definitely be the Muggsy Bogues of the group.

 

8. The casting of the Monstars

When the Monstars take over the talents of LeBron’s teammates, they become oversized caricatures of the players they took over.  However, in a first for the movie franchise, actual NBA players would do voice over work for the new Monstars.  But instead of getting the likes of noted good guys like Blake Griffin, Kevin Love and Chris Paul, imagine the possibilities when the likes of Javale McGee, Nick Young, DeMarcus Cousins, Tyreke Evans and Monta Ellis take their uh, “fun” style of play on the court and channel that into movie shenanigans.

The powered up Monstars would go on to defeat LeBron and company, leaving the Toon Squad distraught and worried about their fate.  But with Lola Bunny already on the team, LeBron needs to go somewhere else to get inspiration and learn some valuable life lessons about going back to being the smiling LeBron of old.

 

9. LeBron brings in Dr. J

Remember that part in the movie where MJ goes to his childhood idol Dr. J in order to learn the secret of beating the Monstars?  No, well, this is the one big liberty we’re going to be making with Space Jam 2. Defeated and clueless as to how the beat the Monstars, Bill Murray pops up (because he’s Bill Murray, dammit) and tells a story of a man who can impart some wisdom to LeBron.

The scene shifts to New York where LeBron makes the pilgrimage to Rucker Park and discovers a man in a white hoodie (sound familiar?).  Surrounded by New York basketball playground legends, the mysterious figure stands up and reveals himself to be the Doctor himself, Julius Erving.

No words are spoken, but Dr. J hands LeBron a basketball and they take to the basketball court for a game of 1 on 1.  Suddenly, the grey in Dr. J’s hair makes way for an afro and his white hoodie becomes a New York Nets jersey and they put on an amazing show not unlike that famous Gatorade commercial where an Michael Jordan goes up a younger version of himself.

Confident once more, LeBron returns to the Toon Squad full of life and energy. The fun LeBron is back, right down to the goofy pre-game intros, but also with a focus that nobody has ever seen.

 

s they prepare for the final game, Bill Murray appears once again to deliver a package to LeBron. It’s a shoe box that comes with the note from a “P. Knight.” It’s a “Space Jam” colorway of the Nike LeBron 11 (sure, if we’re being honest, it really should be the LeBron 9, but Nike has to sell the new hotness, right?).

Since it is a kids movie, LeBron obviously leads the Toon Squad to victory and he gives the talent of his teammates back to their respective owners.  The lockout soon ends thereafter and a remake of “Fly Like An Eagle” by Frank Ocean* plays as a montage of LeBron’s amazing 2011-12 season is shown on the screen. The final image of the movie will be James finally holding a championship trophy with the Looney Tunes posing alongside him in the championship picture, obscuring Mario Chalmers, of course…

So now is your chance to sound off. Would you like to see a Space Jam 2 and what kicks would you like to see in the movie? Let us know in the comments below.

*The potential soundtrack for Space Jam 2 would be amazing.  The original had heavy hitters like R. Kelly, D’Angelo, Seal and Monica at the time (even Jay-Z has a cameo in one of the songs).  What would be the equivalent today?  R. Kelly has to be involved somehow, but the most likely group to headline the soundtrack would be G.O.O.D. Music because of Kanye West’s ties to Nike (notice that except for JaVale McGree, and maybe Dwyane Wade, everybody in the movie is either a Nike or Jordan Brand athlete).

 

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