NBA: Gilbert Arenas Opens Up About His NBA Exile, Being Depressed, Dwight Howard Saga & Much More

Posted by Sabrina B. @gametimegirl

When Gilbert Arenas pulled the plug on his “AgentZeroShow” Twitter account last September, he went dark in ways we hadn’t seen since his fascinating rise and infamous fall.

He stayed out of the social media circle and out of the spotlight that caused him so much angst in recent years, and on Dec. 9, the Orlando Magic used their amnesty clause on the three-time All-Star. Arenas, who struggled in 49 games with the Magic after being acquired from Washington in December 2010, is owed $62 million over the next three years.

In his 10-month respite from the NBA floor, the 30-year-old Arenas is starting to become whole again, personally and professionally. He’s returned to the court, most recently in a workout for the Lakers in Los Angeles, has shed more than 20 pounds since last season and has stabilized his home life with his longtime girlfriend and mother of his four kids.

Arenas spoke candidly with SI.com in a 90-minute interview that touched on everything from the ill-fated gun incident in the Wizards’ locker room on Christmas Eve 2009 to the “downward spiral” it caused in recent years to his long road back.

his long road back.

Sam Amick: Arenas talks Dwight Howard, Jeremy Lin and more:

SI.com: Where are you at with getting back to work?

Arenas: When I got amnestied, I was told by my mentor [Magic general manager Otis Smith] to do a couple things before I decided to get back to the NBA, and that was clear my mind, get my thoughts together and get myself healthy. That’s what I’ve been doing, getting healthy. I didn’t like the product I put out last year and the only thing you can do about that is just get it better.

SI.com: What goes into clearing your mind?

Arenas: Reflecting. You just reflect on your basketball career and see how far you came. I watch a lot of game tape of last year in Washington and finishing up in Orlando. I just realized even going back to training camp it was basically a spiral down. I didn’t have it anymore. I didn’t have the spirit. I guess somewhere that summer, or somewhere the season before that, I lost the spirit to play, and that’s what showed last year. I was depressed.

When something drastic happens in our life, one person goes and hides and doesn’t want to be seen. That’s what I did. [Others] want to stand up and fight and think they’re tough. Like if someone gets shot, you’re either scared of guns or you think you’re Superman. In my situation, I wanted to hide. I didn’t want to be seen anymore.

SI.com: Does it feel like you can get that spirit back?

Arenas: Someone close to me told me I lost myself a long time ago when I invented Agent Zero, and I didn’t understand what the person was talking about at the time. He’s like, “You were basically on the road down anyway, the image you were putting out meant you were going to get killed at some point.” Now it’s like, “Yeah, you were right.”

When I got amnestied, I could’ve just taken the money and just left, and just basically said, “Hey, you guys did me a favor. I don’t want to be crucified anymore.” As much as I’ve done for fans and for people, it sucks the way the world works. You can do a hundred things for people, but you do one bad mistake and everyone crucifies you and that’s all they want to remember. They don’t want to remember I gave my own money to the [Washington] D.C. school district and built up the D.C. school district. They don’t want to remember none of that. They just want to remember, “Oh, I single-handedly destroyed the Washington Wizards franchise.” It sucks, but that’s the way it is.

So I decided I’m not here to prove anybody wrong anymore. I’m just here to prove myself right. I’m not here to chase the money, to chase stats. Now what you have is a basketball player who’s ready to play, and that’s what people don’t understand. Like on Sept. 1, when I shut my Twitter down, this is the first time you’re hearing from me, because I let everything go. Who I am is what you don’t hear. When you don’t hear me, I’m living my life — quiet, I don’t get in trouble, don’t drink, don’t smoke. But if you ask anybody else, I’m just this — what would they call me? — problem child. Somebody who gets in trouble all the time.

I don’t pay attention anymore. But right now, you have a basketball player. I work out two times a day, every day. I watch tape. I play basketball. If I don’t play in the NBA, I’m playing at the YMCA and I’m just as happy.

SI.com: What’s your setup like now in Orlando?

Arenas: It’s regular — regular house with regular people around me. All I want to be is regular.

NBA is fantasy. Sports are fantasy. Driving around in all the new cars and jewelry and all of this — that’s fantasy. And if you can’t escape, then you lose yourself. If you can’t get home, can’t escape that world, you lose yourself in it because fans, media — they can’t decipher between the two. They don’t realize there’s two different people. Like Lady Gaga, that’s the image she’s giving you guys, but when she’s at home, she’s a normal person. And when she’s in the public eye, that’s who she is. When I was in the public eye, I was Agent Zero. When I’m home, and I’m away from everybody, I’m me. And I felt when “me” got attacked with that felony charge, I didn’t know how to react with that one.

(STORY CONTINUES…)

WRITTEN BY Sam Amick & FULL INTERVIEW HERE